Dealing with erectile dysfunction in a new relationship & how to help your partner

In this article, we’ll look at how erectile dysfunction (often shortened to ED) can affect people in new relationships. We’ll explore how common it is, including among younger men, and what it might mean for your relationship. We’ll also cover how you can support a partner who is experiencing ED, what steps you can take together and how to build a simple plan to manage the condition with confidence. If you or your partner is struggling with ED, it’s important to know that help is available and you're not alone [1].

Key Takeaways

Here are the five biggest takeaways from this article about erectile dysfunction in new relationships:

• ED is not just an issue faced by older people. Around one in four men who seek help for ED are under 40, and many experience severe symptoms.

• Being honest, discussing the issue early and offering reassurance helps reduce anxiety and builds trust.

• Seeing a GP or sexual health specialist is an important step in identifying the cause of ED and finding the right treatment.

• Focusing on emotional and physical closeness in other ways, such as cuddling and kissing, can help alleviate pressure and maintain a healthy, loving relationship.

• ED can be a challenge, but facing it together as a team can help you both feel more confident and supported.

Is erectile dysfunction a common issue for young couples?

Yes, erectile dysfunction (ED) can affect young couples. In fact, it’s more common than many people think. Research shows that around one in four men seeking help for ED for the first time is under the age of 40. Almost half of these younger men experience severe symptoms at similar rates to older men [2]. 

While the causes can vary, younger men often face different clinical and lifestyle factors compared to older people. This shows that ED isn’t just a condition linked with age; it can affect men at any stage of life, including those in new or early relationships.

Being a good partner to someone who has erectile dysfunction

If you enter into a relationship with someone who has erectile dysfunction, knowing how to handle it can put them at ease and set your relationship off on the right track. 

If you are unsure about how to handle erectile dysfunction, perhaps the best thing to do is to set up a plan.

Building your own ED action plan:

1) Communicate with your partner

Open and honest communication is one of the most important steps in managing erectile dysfunction as a couple. While it can feel uncomfortable at first, talking openly can help reduce anxiety and strengthen your relationship. Here’s how to approach it:

Discuss the issue early

If you’re in a new relationship, it might feel easier to avoid the subject, but keeping it bottled up can lead to tension or misunderstandings later on. Talking about ED early on can help ease pressure and show your partner that you trust them. It also gives you both the chance to work through it together, before it starts to affect your emotional or physical connection. 

Provide reassurance

ED can be a sensitive topic and may cause feelings of embarrassment, shame or fear of rejection. Whether you’re experiencing ED yourself or your partner is, reassurance goes a long way. Remind each other that this is a common issue and not a reflection of your attraction, masculinity or how you feel about one another. Making it clear that you’re in it together can help remove some of the emotional strain.

Be honest and open with your partner

Honesty can be uncomfortable, especially when it comes to intimate issues. Being open is essential. Share your worries and listen to how your partner feels as well. A calm, understanding conversation can reduce stress, clarify any confusion, and ultimately bring you closer. Supporting each other through ED, rather than seeing it as one person’s issue, can help you feel more connected and ready to explore treatment options together.

Listen to their concerns

Communication isn’t just about talking; it’s also about listening. Ensure your partner feels heard and give them space to express their feelings. You may find they’ve had similar worries or that they’ve been unsure how to help. Understanding each other’s concerns will make it easier to move forward with a plan that works for both of you.

2) Seek professional help to address erectile dysfunction

Consult your doctor

Your GP or a sexual health specialist can help identify the possible causes of ED and guide you towards appropriate treatment. They may conduct a physical examination, ask about your general health and lifestyle, and check for any underlying medical conditions that could be contributing. This first step can often provide reassurance and a clear direction for managing symptoms.

Attend couples therapy

ED can sometimes be linked to emotional or relationship issues, including stress, anxiety, or pressure around sex. Couples therapy can be a safe, neutral space to explore how erectile dysfunction is affecting your relationship. It can also help improve communication and rebuild intimacy by addressing any concerns you might not feel comfortable discussing on your own.

Explore your treatment options (including lifestyle changes, medications and other medical interventions)

There are several ways to treat ED. Your doctor can discuss the options that best suit your situation with you. These might include lifestyle changes, such as improving your diet, cutting back on alcohol, stopping smoking, or managing stress, as well as medication like sildenafil (Viagra) or other treatments. The key is to find a solution that works for you as a couple and feels manageable over the long term.

3) Focus on emotional intimacy

Explore other forms of intimacy (cuddling, kissing, massage)

Physical closeness doesn’t have to revolve around intercourse. Cuddling, kissing, holding hands, or even giving each other a massage can all help to build a sense of closeness and comfort. These moments can be just as important as sex, especially when you're rebuilding confidence and trust.

Take away the pressure to perform

Sex doesn’t need to follow a script, and it’s okay if things don’t go perfectly every time. Try to remove expectations around performance and focus instead on enjoying each other’s company. Taking the pressure off can help reduce anxiety, which is often a significant barrier to overcoming ED.

Be playful & experimental

Intimacy should be fun, not stressful. Exploring new ways to connect, whether that’s trying something new in the bedroom, having a laugh together, or simply enjoying shared experiences, can help lighten the mood and make things feel less serious. A playful attitude can help revive spontaneity and fun, while also strengthening your bond.

4) Support each other in the journey

Encourage your partner to seek help

If your partner is experiencing erectile dysfunction, they may feel embarrassed, frustrated, or unsure where to turn. A gentle, supportive approach can help them feel more confident about taking that first step. Let them know that seeking help isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s a positive and proactive choice that can help them, you, and your relationship.

Embrace vulnerability

Talking openly about sexual difficulties can make anyone feel exposed. But being vulnerable with each other creates space for honesty, trust and sometimes a deeper emotional connection. Showing that you're willing to talk about difficult subjects reassures your partner that they’re not alone.

Work together as a team

Erectile dysfunction is something you can manage more effectively as a couple. Whether it's attending appointments, exploring new approaches, or simply offering emotional support, tackling it as a team helps take the pressure off one person. Together, you can find solutions that feel right for both of you and move forward with confidence.

Final Thoughts

Erectile dysfunction can feel like a difficult issue to face, especially in a new relationship, but it doesn’t have to get in the way of building a strong, healthy connection. ED is more common than many people realise, even among younger men, and there are many ways to manage it. By communicating openly, seeking professional support, exploring emotional intimacy, and working as a team, you and your partner can tackle challenges together. With understanding, patience, and the right plan in place, ED can be treated, and your relationship can continue to grow.

Sources

[1] 7 strategies for partnering up with ED - Harvard Health

[2] One patient out of four with newly diagnosed erectile dysfunction is a young man--worrisome picture from the everyday clinical practice - PubMed